Another One Down

27 years ago today, as humans measure these things, a doctor slapped me on the ass and I sucked in my first breath of real air. Since meeting my parents for the first time, a series of profoundly confusing events have followed, periodically punctuated by these things called birthdays. Sometimes I think those events seem confusing because I have a notoriously fuzzy memory, but I think most of them were legitimately confusing at the time. So, in the interest of posterity, here is a rough breakdown of the confusing things that happened in year 27:

• A childhood friend got married.



• I met a girl from El Paso who later dented my heart.



• But in the process, I got to visit places I had never seen before.



• Some college friends got married. Their presents are still sitting on my coffee table. So I need an excuse to go visit them, I guess.



• I went to Las Vegas again, and returned no poorer but no wealthier.



• I lost an aunt, Patricia Vey, to cancer.



• My best friend moved to the shore of another ocean.



• America once again demonstrated why my faith in its mental faculties is totally misplaced.



• I found a new roommate who is evil, and a Yankees fan.



• But he brought nice furniture, so I'm okay with that.



• I abandoned two universes, rejoined one, explored and quit a third, yet remain hopelessly lost in this one.



• I bought a new computer. It is 1337, except in temperatures above 80 degrees or high humidity.



• Christmas in North Carolina.



• I had a spatial disagreement with a tree.



• I lost an uncle, Glenn Barker, to cancer.



• I got a raise.



• I joined a gym.



• A co-worker got married.



• I started this blog and its many halting and half-baked attempts at creative discipline.



• I shaved my beard.



• I bought a guitar. Which is odd, because most people buy a guitar and then GROW a beard. Maybe a new Van Dyke will help even the learning curve.



• Most significantly, I have accumulated another year of knowledge and experience, which, properly examined, may lead to greater wisdom and happiness. Or ulcers.

There are many other things that I shall not mention here, like the horrible disgusting foot warts and the purchase of a hamper, as these elements of the past year are not significant to the public discourse. Thank you to everyone who participated in this year, and may your own birthdays and celebrations be happy and fulfilling. And be sure to remind me when they happen, because they are confusing, and I'll never remember them on my own.