Bruising Fiction
Yesterday I was driving home from work when my car skidded off the road and struck a drug factory. Eight large men, clearly high on PCP, emerged from the building, dragged me from the car and pummeled me for 37 minutes, paying special attention to my lower back. One of them removed a kidney and kept it for himself. After that they tossed me bodily into a cold rushing river, which dragged me, lungs burning, across 8 miles of jagged rocks before depositing me on a beach littered with medical waste and angry gypsies. I bartered with the nomads, earning safe passage back to the highway in exchange for the use of my head in a pickup game of "whack the bastard in the head," a traditional eastern European sport. As I rolled about on the sand, the medical waste on the beach gave me meningitis. When I finally reached home, I crawled into bed, which promptly fell through the floor in a torrent of splintering wood and falling ductwork.
At least, these are the events of last night as expressed by my body. In actuality, I had my first personal training session at the gym.
Ow.
6 comments:
I would die laughing at this if you weren't in so much pain. :-)
-Bekah
Thanks. By the way, Bekah, the new comment interface allows you to leave your name even without a blogger account now.
This quite funny. Funniness probably muted by flu medication. But flu medication still better than flu. Flu sucks. I think my brain feels like your muscular structure right now.
Oh, so it does. Neat.
Oooo....spiffy new comment interface and a chance to say that the post was funny. Also, what made you decide to join a gym?
Ben - Hope you feel better, bro.
Marc - I am fat and lazy. The fitness nazis came to my house and dragged me away to fill out a membership form.
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