Regarding Vista 64 Home Premium
Let's say you're in the market for a new toaster. You got to the store and look around, and you find a really good one. It's all shiny and new and has a lot of great features - some of which you don't need, but what the hey, it's the biggest and best one out there and you might as well get it.
One of the nice things about this particular toaster is that it has both a light and a dark setting. You think, hey, that's pretty handy. I'll probably want to make dark toast quite frequently. So you plunk down way too much money for this new toaster with its light and dark settings, and the cashier hands you a box. You take the box home, because dammit, you have bread to toast, and it's not getting any toastier all by itself.
Now, when you get that box home and open it up, I suppose you expect to find a nice toaster with a little dial on the front that says light and dark. That would make sense. But what you actually find is a toaster with a dial on it that just says light. No dark. Well, hell, how do you make dark toast then?
In the bottom of the box is a very politely-worded note explaining that you are a dumbass, and couldn't possibly be serious about making dark toast. It is a much too advanced process. But, if you really want to try to make dark toast (which is awesome, by the way), just mail in a check for $10, and they will happily send you ANOTHER TOASTER, which you technically already own, but which was not included in the box. This one will have a dial set to dark.
Oh, and the toasters both share a single unique power cord, so you can only plug in one at a time.
And everything else in the kitchen is powered by the toaster.
And if you lose or forget the serial number, the toaster dies.
And the toast tastes shitty.
3 comments:
I don't understand. Is this a metaphor for something? You just got me hungry for toast. Not regular toast, mind you, but cinnamon sugar toast, where you butter up the toast real good and then sprinkle the cinnamon sugar mixture from a plastic container shaped like a football player. At least, that's where MY cinnamon sugar came from. Why a football player? I mean, a figure skater, sure, but with a football player, I just don't get the connection. Plus, the football player was orange, as if he were made of cheese, or contained cheese-based powder, but no. He's full of cinnamon. And sugar. And his helmet is a metal cap with holes in it. But when you turn him upside down and force him to bungee jump over your buttered bread, the result is magic. Sweet, cinnamony magic.
Where was I? Oh, sorry about your software. I still don't understand why it is the way it is. I'm so far out of the tech loop I'm afraid to even LOOK at the tech loop. Maybe some day soon, you and I can find a quiet corner and you can explain it to me. You don't have to do it here. You'll know when the time is right.
*Pats his Mac OS X.5 and smiles happily*
I bought one of those toasters last year and I did so because it contains a special bagel function that works very well and prevents me from having to pay insane monthly bagel fees. And those bagels are pretty good, in both standard and high definition. And I had never had a high definition bagel before, and they taste good, even with lo-cal cream cheese. Unfortunately, you are right; the toast still sucks. Even after downloading numerous updates to the toasting mechanisms, still shitty toast.
Shitty, shitty toast.
And the toaster isn't even able to calculate--AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! HELP! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY AN OVEREXTENDED METAPHOR! IT'S GOT MY LEG! CALL 911! GET SOME SIMILES OR IDIOMS OR IODINE!
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