A Reading

From the Book of Snark

I said I was going to stop posting on politics, but I never said anything about religion. I guess I'm skirting the edge with this one.

The always entertaining Jerry Falwell:

Throughout the book of Judges, God calls the Israelites to go to war against the Midianites and Philistines. Why? Because these nations were trying to conquer Israel, and God's people were called to defend themselves.

President Bush declared war in Iraq to defend innocent people. This is a worthy pursuit. In fact, Proverbs 21:15 tells us: "It is joy to the just to do judgment: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity."

One of the primary purposes of the church is to stop the spread of evil, even at the cost of human lives. If we do not stop the spread of evil, many innocent lives will be lost and the kingdom of God suffers.

Poor interpretations of scripture are more common than low-interest loans, and anyone selling you either is worthy of some skepticism. Insert the Reverend Falwell into the mix and skepticism becomes just the down payment on a whole portfolio of sarcastic derision.

Jerry here is engaging in the ancient sport of reconciling the "hey, don't kill people" elements of the Bible with the "hey, go kill those people, they suck" elements. The rest of the article explains itself rather well and does not hinge on this one passage. That's good, because it seems like grammatically he got it wrong. The way he presents it, he seems to argue that it is the role of the "just" to pass judgement on the "workers of iniquity." The just shall take joy in this justice, and the iniquitous shall have destruction. That's not how I read it.

"Destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity." Shall be what? Shall be joy. Destruction shall be joy to the workers of iniquity just as justice shall be joy to the just. It's not a call to arms, it's an observation of human nature, perhaps made over some really good lox and bagels down at the corner deli, don't they make it just exactly right there, it's to die for. That crazy Solomon, what a character - always has his eyes open, he does.

A lot of people don't seem to realize that parts of the Bible are extremely funny. Here you have literally thousands of years of human history, recorded and edited by dozens of different authors across many distinct regions and cultures. It has been translated, transcribed and transposed by hundreds of scribes and set into every political and social context imaginable. I'm pretty sure at least one of those revered bookworms told a fart joke at some point. The 20th century didn't invent irony, we just developed a faster delivery system for it.

Proverbs is one of the best, because the entries are so compact, and Solomon himself is quite a cut-up. Some of my favorites:

21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.

21:9 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Go on, tell me that image isn't funny.

21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.
For a guy with 300 concubines, seems like Sol slept on the couch a lot.

21:22 A wise man scaleth the city of the almighty, and casteth down the strength of the confidence thereof.

21:23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
Or in the words of Mark Twain, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

And that's all from Chapter 21. Solomon goes on to discuss proper table etiquette in Chapter 23 and dating techniques in 31. His secret? Go dutch. Seriously, verse 14.